The purpose of a romantic relationship is to lift both the individuals in it. While we cannot choose our family, we have the liberty to choose our partner. But on the same hand, you need to be cautious about who you choose to witness in your life. Choosing a narcissistic partner will damage the roots of your self-concept leading to low self-esteem and self-doubts. Dealing with narcissistic partners is most emotionally draining and challenging. Though to a certain point, narcissism can be healthy and build a well-balanced personality. But if it exceeds that point, it develops into narcissistic personality disorder. We talked to an expert in the field of psychology to know if there are any specific signs of a narcissistic partner to spot in relationships. Here are some of the signs that you should look out for.
Does every topic revolve around them?
Do you ever feel that your partner is comparing your struggles with theirs and then all of a sudden you feel that you are cribbing for no reason? Narcissistic partners live by the motto of self-importance at any cost. Sadaf Saeed, Psychologist, Mental Health Leadership Awardee 2024, Delhi points out that, “A narcissistic partner may constantly seek attention and believe they are superior to others while disrespecting their partner emotionally”. Rather than attempting to comprehend, they become dismissive of any differences in viewpoints. They will either correct you or ignore your opinion outrightly.
Do you always have to explain and justify your emotions?
Narcissistic partners will seem very loving in the beginning but with time you’ll start feeling their emotional unavailability. Since these people place themselves above all, they struggle with understanding and caring about others’ feelings. Saeed warns, “This could lead to severe mental conflict in their partner’s life”. These people will often even not register the fact that they have hurt you in any way. Most of the time they will make you feel guilty for having these feelings. This points towards the lack of empathy signs in relationships.
Are you always at fault?
One of the most common signs of narcissistic partners is manipulation. They master narcissistic gaslighting traits and other manipulative ways to control and exploit others. “They will make you realise that you are the one who’s responsible for the conflict”, says Saeed. Even if you react to their abuse, they’ll somehow make you believe that you have hurt them. They will always pin the fights on you, portraying themselves as victims.
Do they constantly demand validation?
Saeed emphasises their constant need for validation and praise from others, she says, “While they often fish for compliments or attention from others, they don’t value their partner’s opinion.” Excessive need for validation is a hallmark trait of narcissism and when they don’t get it, it brings out rage in them. This also leads to unnecessary irritation and conflicts leading to a narcissistic relationship pattern.
Do they ever take the blame?
“Narcissistic partners may struggle to take responsibility for their actions and may deflect blame onto others”, says Saeed. Their inability to take responsibility stems from their self-perception of a perfect and superior being. For example, if you break up with a narcissistic partner, they’ll make sure to put the blame on you. “They might even spread rumours about their partner”, says Saeed.
Do you think they are keeping you on breadcrumbs?
Breadcrumb feeding is a term used when your partner just provides you with minimal things. They do this to keep you in the relationship as they fear abandonment to their core. Saeed emphasises that, “They will love you as per their own wishes without acknowledging the efforts you’ve put into the relationship”. This inconsistent approach again harms your mental health by creating an illusion of false hopes.
Having a healthy relationship requires knowing the warning signs of a narcissistic partner. It’s critical for your emotional health to seek help from professionals if you identify these characteristics. Remember that since their abusive behaviour satisfies their desires, narcissists may be severely hard to change. Making mental health a priority is the first step towards narcissistic abuse recovery and healing from narcissistic relationships.
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