Last Updated on October 9, 2023 by Neelam Singh
September 06, 2018 was a historic day in India. Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code was read down and hence homosexuality got decriminalized by law. The judgment came after a prolonged battle. The judgment gave liberty to the LGBTQIA+ community to live a life full of love without any fear. But was that all? Did the judgement talk about penalising societal mindset towards the community? NO.
The queer ordeal
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed in a study in 2016 that the LGBTQIA+ community members consider suicide nearly three times more compared to heterosexual community individuals. It is because the LGBTQIA+ community individuals face something called ‘minority stress’ as most of the time they live in hostile environments from childhood to their entire life.
Another survey reveals something shocking. TREVOR Project conducted a survey in 2022 which says that LGBTQIA+ community individuals were found to be 2.4 times more vulnerable to mental disorders like depression, anxiety, etc. Here are a few LGBTQIA+ community individuals who shared their ordeal that made their life difficult and affected their mental health.
Piyush, 23, from Chennai had a different childhood than other boys. He would love to wear his mother’s jewelry. Since Piyush was a child, it was considered to be funny by his family. However, things got stressful as he grew up.
“I was bullied in school by classmates and schoolmates. They would make fun of me because of my feminine behavior. They would call me by bad names like mittha, chakka, gay and such other names,” told Piyush.
This began happening when he was in class 8th or 9th. “I became quiet. I stopped talking to people. I would spend most of my time alone. I would not play with anyone in school and in my neighborhood. Although I was affected mentally, but I did not let this affect my studies. I thought if I get better at studies, the bullies would stop. But I was wrong,” told Piyush.
When he was in class 11th, he began reading about LGBTQIA+ community which helped him cope with stressful situations better. “The more I read about the community the more I was sure that I am queer and there is nothing wrong being a queer. Which helped me ignore the usual bullies I would face. When I entered college, I changed my friend circle. I made friends who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community. Which helped me become more comfortable in my identity,” shared Piyush.
Although, bullies don’t bother Piyush anymore, but the mental trauma he has suffered because of bullies left a long-lasting impact on his mental health. “Those constant bullies affected my mental health. I think of seeing a therapist or psychologist but then I am scared of facing the truth. I know my mental health is not good, but I don’t want any expert to tell me that and give my mental disorder a medical name. But I will surely see a mental health expert soon because it is necessary for me,” told Piyush.
Piyush belongs to an educated family, but he can’t share his struggle with them at all which is also one of the factors to his bad mental health. “My parents are working professionals but they are not that open minded. That is why I have never shared who I am and what I have been going through. Not being able to share your feelings and struggles to your loved ones makes your sorrow deeper,” added Piyush who identifies himself as gay.
An identity crisis
Another person from LGBTQIA+ community called Mohit,31, based in Mumbai had similar childhood life as Piyush, but at the age when he was sure that he is a queer he planned to live a secretive life with a partner. As luck would have it, he found his life partner when he was pursuing graduation.
“We met through a dating app. We both were looking for a committed life partner. We took time, but eventually we proposed to be a life partner. We were living together and had a blissful life. But something happened that made our life stressful and suicidal,” told Mohit.
Mohit’s boyfriend’s family got to know about their relationship. They began threatening the duo to death over phone calls. “Thankfully we were living in a different city. His family and relatives would call both of us 3-4 times a day and give us death threats. They would say they can come to Mumbai anytime and kill us. They once planned a trap to kill us. However, we sensed something fishy and we did not go there where my boyfriend’s father called us to meet,” told Mohit.
The death threats continued for about six months which was stressful for Mohit and his boyfriend. “We were stressed all the time. We would be scared of getting killed any time. We were suicidal. But our love made us stronger and strengthened our relationship. We managed to triumph over the situation. Recently, we moved to Canada for a better and peaceful life together,” told Mohit, who is pursuing law in Canada and willing to do something for the community in India.
Stressful dual life
Majority of LGBTQIA+ community individuals end up getting married to hetrosexual individuals. Wherein, few of them try to ignore their queer sexuality to lead a happy married life. On the other hand, a few plan to lead a dual life – hetrosexual married life as well as queer life secretly. In both the choices, they struggle in life. For instance, Aishwar, 45, from Delhi, was sure that he is more attracted towards men than women. But got married to a woman thinking his attraction towards men will disappear. However, he is not happy in life.
“I have two daughters now. But I don’t feel like a proud and happy father. I go out with my wife and daughters. If you see my life you would never think that I am not happy with my married life. However, I always crave for a man in my life,” told Aishwar.
Aishwar tried to ignore his attraction towards men after marriage, but after two years of marriage, he began meeting men through gay dating apps. “Most of my time is spent on gay dating apps. I always look for desired partner,” told Aishwar.
His wife often complains Aishwar not having quality time with her and daughters. But Aishwar can’t tell her the truth. “I often cry about not being able to choose one life – married life or queer life. However, I am left with no choice but to lead a dual and unhappy life. It looks like I am not able to become a good husband, good father and good human being,” said Aishwar.
Societal pressure
Women are pressurized to get married at an early age than men which is intimidating for many women. However, it becomes tougher to deal for those women who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community.
Nagpur’s Razia, 25, who is into the digital marketing profession, is a lesbian. Since her family is orthodox and against the LGBTQIA+ community, she has not come out to anyone in her family and friends.
She is often shown photos of men by her family members for marriage. She always has to reject every man and delay her marriage on the pretext of career. “Every time they ask me to see photos of men or meet men for marriage I tell them that I want to focus on my career now. It is not easy at all for me. I have been doing this for two years now,” told Razia.
She further added, “It is frustrating and stressful. You have to lie every single time someone talks to you about your marriage plan. You feel an urge to tell the truth, but then you stop and tell a lie. How strange, I can’t tell my own family who I am.”
(Note: Names and places have been changed to respect the identities of the individuals.)
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