Last Updated on February 12, 2024 by Neelam Singh
“Oh you hardly have had sex”, said an experienced gynaecologist in Bengaluru, to me, with a snigger. I had consulted that gynaecologist as I had an itchy and burning sensation on the skin near my vagina, sometime back. The gynaecologist prescribed an ointment which I used twice daily for 3-4 days and the itching and burning stopped. However, owing to the unforgettable and unnecessary statement from this doctor, I hesitate consulting gynaecologists and detest any healthcare professional (HCP) touching/examining my genital and sexual organs. And, I find such examinations physically painful. Above all, I dislike revealing my asexuality to HCP’s or others when I doubt their sensitivity.
The A in LGBTQIAP+ currently indicates Asexual, Aromantic and Agender. To me, Asexuality is a kind of sexual orientation which denotes the extreme minimality or absence of sexual attraction/desire. Asexuality is considered a range or spectrum of sexual desire or attraction varying from complete absence to degrees/levels and types of sexual attraction/desire. (I limit this article to asexuality as I am not aromantic or agender and may therefore discuss them insufficiently or unsatisfactorily).
Sensitising healthcare professionals
Many HCPs are unaware of asexuality. Most of them deny that asexuality is normal and natural. Actually, many believe that all living beings have sexual desire/attraction. Hence sensitizing HCPs, especially mental, reproductive and sexual healthcare practitioners, to understand and accept, during their training or while studying or practising/consulting, that asexuality is not a hormonal, psychological, emotional, metabolic or any other mental, physical or sexual disorder, disease, defect, abnormality, anomaly or deficiency, is vital.
No HCPs must pathologise, shame or stigmatise Aces or prescribe or subject Aces to any involuntary or coercive oral, physical or psychological examination or any oral, visual, hormonal, physical, sexual, psychological or other ‘therapies’ or ‘treatments’ to ‘cure’ or ‘reduce’ their asexuality. Any HCP handling Aces insensitivity must preferably be warned or penalised for their incorrect diagnosis, harmful advice and unethical and unprofessional behaviour, practice and approach.
If required and requested, sensitised HCPs can affirmatively counsel Aces approaching them for healthcare assistance or advice, regarding their asexuality, or their family or caregivers that asexuality is natural and normal. HCPs can tell Aces or any caregivers that sexual desire or attraction cannot be compulsively induced and are not universal human needs, emotions, traits or attributes.
Aces seeking surgical removal of any sexual or reproductive organs, must not be coerced or counselled to postpone or rethink or be denied hysterectomy, if they disclose their asexuality or the absence or minimality of sexual activity is inferred through the Aces’ revelation or physical examination. Ignorant or biased HCPs must not believe or state that everyone wants sex and biological children through pregnancy.
Saying that asexuality is abnormal or unnatural is insensitive and represents rejection or erasure. It could lower Aces’ self-esteem and cause them shame, doubt and discomfort with their bodies and emotions. They may consider themselves undesirable and try isolating or harming or coercing themselves to have sex or seek ‘corrective’ counselling or hormone therapy. I doubted and shamed myself and felt alone for long, primarily because I lacked vocabulary and information about asexually and Aces. Even after knowing (of) other Aces (like my supportive neuroqueer, heteroromantic, agender, asexual partner, since 2002), understanding and accepting my asexuality took me time.
Education (formal/informal)
Educators of Biological or biomedical or health sciences or mental or reproductive or Sexual health must know of asexuality. They must not state that all humans have sexual attraction/desire whatever their age, SOGIESC, class, disability, race, caste, religion, ethnicity, beliefs, traditions, practices, preferences, language, geography, et al. Educators must know that the absence of sexual desire/attraction, is not a deficiency/disorder/defect/disease/abnormality/anomaly and must not be conflated with voluntary or involuntary suppression of sexual desire like abstinence, or celibacy or prudery. Asexuality is not or caused by frigidity or reduced libido.
Media and Arts
Media (social, news, educational, entertainment, infotainment, etc.) persons and organisations, need to be sensitised (through consenting Aces with compensation and acknowledgment) to not misrepresent, shame, mock, stigmatise or abnormalise or negatively stereotype Aces. Mediapersons or artist(e)s must not state or portray that only sexual desire/attraction and allosexuality are natural/normal to all living beings.
Legal
Laws and policies must recognise and declare that anyone in consensual marital, emotional, sexual or physical relationship(s) with any adult Aces must not coerce the Aces into sexual experiences, episodes or encounters. Anyone coercing Aces into oral or peno-vaginal or other sexual experiences, must be investigated for sexual abuse/harassment/assault/violence or rape and suitably penalised or punished (if found guilty) provided the Aces in the relationship(s), complain of sexual abuse /harassment/assault/violence or rape. Any public/government policy or legislation or body (like a Commission, Council, Committee, Board, network et al) for Aces, must be framed with consenting Aces’ involvement and inputs.
Many Aces are romantically attracted to others whatever their age, SOGIESC, class, caste, religion, disability, ideology, race, ethnicity, language, geography, beliefs, traditions, practices, preferences, etc. Asexuality is neither a privilege nor regret – as some insensitive people have asked me!
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