Drowning in family expectations, raising a child in Bangalore alone as her husband lived in another country and trying to manage a career, Mrs. Sheriff found herself lost in a dark tunnel for a very long time. It wasn’t easy to handle an inter-caste marriage with both sides of parents having unrealistic social expectations. On top of it, they also wanted monetary help. “But when it came to helping me in raising my child, nobody was there. My husband had moved to another country and I was resuming my career so I asked my in-laws to come and help me. They didn’t and yet they had so many expectations of us. For the smallest of things, we had to be there. It took a toll on my relationship with my husband as well,” says Mrs Sheriff, a hospitality professional.
That these events took place during the COVID-19 lockdown (from 2020 to 2022) made them even more exacting. Her field, hospitality—was the worst hit and there she was, trying to get back after a break.
The Sandwich Generation
Mrs. Sheriff represents all the millennials or ‘sandwich generation’, the ones caught between caring for their aging parents while raising their own children in urban India, often with little to no support. Constant juggling dealing with mental, social and financial pressure leading to a burnout. It also exerts stress on careers and relationships.
This is what happened in Mrs. Sheriff’s case. “I barely ate. I lost 15 kgs within two months. I felt I had no identity, no support, and zero decision-making skills. I started to blame myself. I slipped into depression,” she recalls. Too many players, expectations from others and herself did a lot of damage to Mrs. Sheriff.
Not just the workload — the pressure of having to pretend you’re fine burns you out. You keep saying yes, you push through, and then when it gets too much, you feel guilty. A lot of that guilt comes from how we were raised. You’re expected to be dependable, strong, never complain. So, needing help feels like a flaw. But it’s not.
Be kind to yourself
There’s nothing weak about saying, “I can’t do this alone.” If anything, it’s one of the hardest and bravest things to say.
So how do you start to shift this mindset? First, stop trying to meet invisible standards. Redefine success—not as doing it all, but doing what matters. Start drawing lines where your energy ends. That’s what boundaries are for.
And most importantly, be kind to yourself. “You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to pause. Self-compassion is not indulgent—it’s necessary,” explains, Dr Virinchi Sharma, Consultant – Psychiatry, Arete Hospitals, a multi-specialty quaternary care hospital in Hyderabad.
Drawing boundaries, distancing herself from relatives and extended family eased her out. Communication with her husband became open, regular and transparent. As outsiders were relegated to the fringes, the frictions disappeared and they could concentrate on building their lives. “I stopped expecting anything in return from my in-laws and parents. I admitted my daughter to a boarding school and resumed my career in a full-fledged way. My husband is still abroad and if I ever need medical care, I seek home nursing services,” states Mrs. Sheriff.
It’s never too late to ask for help
Neha Bahri, based in Gurgaon, is the owner of her own PR agency. She lives with her husband, her 77-year-old mother-in-law, and their two children: a 6-year-old son and an 8-month-old baby.
Neha’s first significant challenge emerged when she lost her father, her bedrock of support. This coincided with the initial struggles of her newly launched business, which had just started before the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Adding to the pressure, her son was persistently asking for a sibling. “My business wasn’t doing well, I lost my father, and I felt I was losing control over things,” Neha recalls. This overwhelming period led to her withdrawing from her husband and often breaking down in tears. Seeking solace, she began online meditation with a teacher, which helped her calm down. She further found relief through a “21-day meditation challenge,” an initiative by Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
In 2024, Neha welcomed her second child, only to find herself grappling with a new set of difficulties that echoed her past struggles. “Our industry is such that it changes so drastically and so soon,” she explains. Returning to work after her maternity break, she realized the landscape had shifted, resulting in the loss of several clients. The demands of rebuilding her venture with two young children and caring for her elderly mother-in-law, who is less communicative and difficult to engage, have left her feeling utterly exhausted. “My mind is always working. I feel so exhausted,” Neha shares, yearning for a way to calm her racing thoughts.
According to Dr. Pavana S, Consultant Psychiatrist & Psychosexual Medicine Specialist, HCG Cancer Hospital, KR Road, Bangalore, feeling mentally and physically tired perpetually, should be taken seriously. She urges people to seek therapy, counselling and medication if need be.
“It’s important to understand that these emotional states are not merely “stress” but patterns that affect brain chemistry, sleep, cognition, and overall health. While therapy and support systems are invaluable, many clients also benefit from psychiatric interventions — including medication. Contrary to popular belief, these are not addictive and are carefully prescribed to help individuals break free from the mental loop of rumination, fatigue, and indecision. Medications can restore emotional balance, improve clarity, and enable better decision-making — especially when one feels stuck in the inertia of never-ending responsibilities,” Dr Pavana adds.
Being practical is a solution
Divyeshu Sinha, a Mumbai-based creative director with a production house, has opted for permanent work from home to care for her 1.5-year-old child. While he has siblings, he is the only one living in Mumbai to care for his parents, who live at a close distance. Juggling between work, parents, household and a child takes a lot of effort but it’s worth it. “I was very clear that one of the parents will have to be around with the child growing up. You can’t completely depend on a nanny or help. While I got that option easily, it was a struggle for my wife, a legal professional, but she still managed a temporary arrangement,” says Sinha.
By opting for work from home, living closer to parents is a conscious choice made by Sinha to simplify lives but even then it does become too much at times. “The way to handle it is to stop trying for perfection and that you can’t do everything at the same time. Also, these practical strategies work. We follow a strict routine for the baby and that has really helped us,” remarks Sinha.
Sinha is trying his best to find his way through the chaos of life by deploying practical strategies. “Men are also taught to be there for everyone. It’s an unsaid thing and there is an invisible responsibility to being a son.” When the going gets tough, he shares it openly with his wife and communication helps.
Start destressing yourself
Dr. Rahul Chandhok, Head Psychiatrist at Artemis Hospitals in Gurgaon says, “Psychologically, interventions like shared responsibility and flexible working hours are most beneficial in reducing caregiver burnout. Caregivers also tend to experience emotional exhaustion, or compassion fatigue, due to ongoing mental and physical overload. Sharing with family members or professionals lessens the load, for caregivers receive a chance to unwind and take care of themselves as well. Work hour flexibility reduces pressures by providing control over time so that caregivers manage better with responsibilities.”
He further says, “Coping strategies become more long lasting with consistency and individual fit. Mindfulness, frequent breaks, and support groups are effective when they are simple to maintain and accommodate the caregiver’s emotional needs. Enduring coping also requires that one be aware of burnout early on, for instance, irritability or exhaustion, and seek assistance.”
Even as individuals experiencing burnout may deploy hacks and strategies to destress, health practitioners emphasise on the significance of therapy and counselling.
“As a psychiatrist with over 20 years of experience, I urge families, healthcare providers, and employers to recognise the emotional labor of the sandwich generation. Let’s move from silent struggle to structured support — because those holding everyone together also deserve to be held,” advises Dr Pavana.
Dr Chandhok also opines that counseling and therapy are key interventions in helping members of the sandwich generation to care for both their children and parents in dealing with emotional burnout. Multitasking and boundless responsibility can precipitate chronic stress, anxiety, or depression. Counseling is a buffering space in which emotions can be expressed, stress coping skills developed, and emotional resilience acquired.
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